Fit to be Tied
Story by Eric Wallace
In the months before the wedding, it's easy to forget something. No, not forgetting to order the kale and cucumber cake or your fur-and-sequin-lined sleigh.
What many couples forget is: themselves. More specifically, their bods.
Pre-wedding exercise is great for the body and the mind, for lessening stress and also for working the sweat glands. (You want those to be operating perfectly come The Day.)
And many exercises will help prepare you for what's down the road, i.e. "real life."
A sampling of things you might try:
Putt in place
Digital Pushups. For prenuptial purposes, do pushups this way: Lie flat on the floor on your tummy, arms extended. Push your hands up by the fingertips, one pair of fingers at a time, 1,000 per set.
This exercise gets your fingers in shape for receiving the ring. It tones up your wrists for all that future handholding.
And it prepares you for the arduous signing of pre-nups, mortgage, car loans, etc.
Pushbacks. Step four feet away from a wall, fall forward on your hands, push yourself back upright. Do this at least 100 times.
Pushbacks are useful in preparing for marital spats. Ideally, of course, should a spat occur, you'll simply stand your ground but not actually push back. Well, not too hard anyway.
Treadmillinery. Instead of wearing sneakers on the treadmill, wear your wedding high heels. To make it trickier, include your veil.
Tilting the treadmill to 45 degrees, run backwards for 20 minutes. This is excellent practice for dashing to the limo while still waving to your guests.
Life, many say, is a treadmill — so here you go. If you can handle things uphill and backwards, everything should be a snap. Except your ankles, we trust.
Romp outdoors
The Wedding Cakewalk. Remember egg and spoon races? Our exercise involves speed-walking five miles while carrying a wedding cake (two-tier, 10-pound minimum).
It's guaranteed to build stamina, balance and willpower. Presuming you don't lick the icing.
Real life application: You need to learn that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Well, not all the time.
Bridecycling. Head out frequently for energetic 75 mile bike rides. It's perfect for rehearsing your vows in your head. It also prepares you for the times in your life you'll be spinning your wheels.
We recommend some back-pedaling, as that's often needed following life's little blunders (such as not promptly acknowledging the gift from your boss's wife).
In the Swim. A few daily laps in the Yukon, Cook Inlet or the like can be especially bracing. Watch out for orcas, giardia and overzealous windsurfers.
Practice swimming upstream or against the tide, something young marrieds often need to do whenever the economy is unkind.
Groom Team Gallop. The groom takes the guys on nifty high-speed runs—at least twice a week. If it's winter, substitute 20 mile cross-country ski sessions, supplemented by two-mile regimens of the Bunny(boot) Hop.
Men need to learn how to hop to it, especially when asked by their spouses.
Yoga, girl!
Snowga. Spread your mat out on the snow. Lie flat, wearing shorts and a tee. Shiver deliciously for fifteen minutes. You'll shake out all the wrinkles and then some. (Note: before commencing, read up on hypothermia).
Inventayoga. Create some wedding yoga poses, things like the Flowergirl Fidget, the Two-handed Cakecut, the Garter Slide, and the Downward Facing Groom. Think of the image, strike the pose, hold for thirty seconds, repeat six times. Try not to giggle.
Yoga helps you become more flexible, something essential for any relationship. It also teaches you to stretch things. Like your budget.
Martial Arts
Alaskaikido. Stand on one leg and face the sun (or where the sun would be if this weren't Alaska). In slow motion, trace the outline of Alaska with your outstretched arms, starting with your hands together at Point Barrow, ending with them back together around Cape St. Elias. Don't forget the Aleutians.
This exercise is excellent for developing the patience you'll need when your spouse is… testing your patience.
Tuxedodo. Weekly, the groom, best man and ushers climb into tuxedos, suspenders, cummerbunds, tricky little French cuff buttons and all the studs. (Think of it, girls, all those studs!)
Trying to put on this stuff is exercise itself, but the fellows should add Tuxboxing—sideways leg kicks at each point of frustration and high arm pumping whenever a stud-button actually stays in its tiny hole.
Apart from wedding practice, this also gets the guys used to handling what men dislike dealing with: minutiae.
Idodo dozens. Face the mirror twice a day and say "I do" about 120 times, exaggerating each word and ending with a full pucker. (Try one right now—see?)
Great for facial fitness, Idodo helps you remember an essential part of the ceremony and also makes you much more agreeable in later years.
Toetapping trimming
The Jitters-Bug. You put your left foot out, you put your right foot out, and you shake it all about. Remember that one? Dance it vigorously with a partner or with a group, and not only will you shake off the jitters, you'll shake off the pounds.
The Tangle. Grab your honey cheek to cheek, thigh to thigh, everything to everything. Dance to the most sensuous music you can find. Dip, lean, stretch, tilt, twist, dip again and never stop. It's the two of you against the world and you're gonna win. Just don't step on each other's toes.
Experts say relationships are metaphorical dances. So the fancier your footwork and the lighter you are on your tootsies, the easier married life will be.
Got the idea? Now get going. Start with…exercising your imagination.
