DRESSED TO THRILL
Story by Eric Wallace
So there you are, finally doing the happy two-step down the aisle.
Heads swivel, eyes open wide. Everyone is focused on you. But what’s the first thing they really see? Unless you enter chained to Brad Pitt (hmm, something worth considering, you say?), it’s your wedding gown.
Well, why not make that first visual statement startlingly original? Design the gown yourself, and take it to the limit using your best tool – your imagination!
A few ideas to spur your creative thinking:
BASIC STYLES
Many brides choose A-line gowns, lovely enough. But you could completely invert things with a really stunning V-line. (Be sure to carefully work out the upper supports.)
Columnar sheaths are classy, but why not make your spectacular sheath completely horizontal instead of vertical? Just be certain the aisles are wide enough and that the wedding party practices ducking when you turn. Either way, what an impact!
Similarly, Empire could become Umpire. (The padding will be great for softball team weddings.)
Fishtail transforms into Fishhead – swirls of lightly starched fabric flowing upward from your shoulders.
And the ball gown becomes the post-midnight-Cinderella dress – scores of luscious tatters dangling every which way.
Get the idea? Good! Already you’re on the way to becoming Yvette St. Laurent.
MATERIALS
Be clever, adventurous and out-there in what you use.
Rebar, fishing tackle, fireweed cotton, grandpa’s ancient Carhartts – everything is fair game.
If it’s an outdoor wedding, build your imaginative dress around lightweight mosquito screen mesh. You’ll create quite a buzz.
Put your gown into motion by festooning it with small living creatures, such as geckos or birds. All properly diapered of course.
For a pure and clean look, sculpt your gown out of glass. But unless you’re feeling a tad scandalous, avoid the total see-through look.
MAKE IT YOU
Design a gown reflective of your occupation or your hobbies and interests.
For example, if you work in the oil industry, use materials with an iridescent sheen and a sensuous viscosity. Consider adding a headdress which flares skyward like a gas burnoff. Should you intend to use real flames, be sure to check local fire code.
If you’re a metalworker, a very feminine suit of armor could be your thing. Simply leave the ring finger exposed so your knight can do the honors. Egad, why not put the whole bridal party in armor? Later, all could joust for fun.
If you work in an office, in publishing or in a greeting card store, fashion your entire gown from paper. Put readable text in strategic places – perhaps your favorite poem or directions to the reception. But mind those paper cuts. And make sure you know the locations of all wedding candles.
A hobbyist variation: If you’re a crossword puzzle fan, design a crossword puzzle gown. As the evening progresses, let your more intimate friends solve you.
If you love gardening, fashion your gown from leaves, fruits and veggies from your backyard. You’ll look especially luscious and ripe. To avoid the State Fair Effect – i.e., gross wilting – pick your ingredients right before the wedding day. You don’t want to look like a sagging squash. Or do you?
If you’re addicted to cell phones, build a recycled gown from dozens of old mobile phones. Include some still-working phones, and you can send wedding sounds and images to distant friends. And if you’re the nervous type, texting will give you something to do with your hands.
ACCENT YOUR BEST FEATURE
If you have a particularly delightful nose, elbow, right ankle or other perfect feature, why not show it off in the best possible way and lead the viewer’s eye right to it? Done with subtlety, adding a bulls-eye or target to your gown can be ideal. However, think that through thoroughly if your best feature happens to be your derriere.
GO ALASKAN
Our state offers countless inspirations for self-designed gowns.
No, you don’t have to look like a moose or a porcupine unless you want to.
But think about this: You could combine modern fabrics, unusual colors and hidden electronics to create a northern lights wedding dress, all shimmering mystery. For additional pizzazz, outfit your guests with 3D glasses.
If you’re having a winter wedding, parka-inspired designs can be clever yet practical. Lots of puffs and ruffs and fluffs. (Juneau brides take note: a useful variation for you would be an anorak-derived gown.)
Why should mukluks be confined to extremities? Think about adapting that cozy footwear to cover your entire body. Originality plus extreme warmth and comfort! If you’re so moved, you’ll be able to freely roll in the mud or snow.
And, ah, the piece de resistance: the glacier gown. Not only ice blue but molded to your body, using, say, fiberglass coating with rough snowy corduroy and tiny particles of tinsel or mica. If you’re planning a speedy wedding or can be married in a chilly church, by all means add layers of real ice. Don’t forget to include a few crevasses, maybe a few festive iceworms.
SEW, NOW WHAT?
As you work on your incredible gown, ask yourself these important questions: • Can you sit down in it? • Will it restrict blood flow or inhibit breathing?
• Could it fall off prematurely?
• Might it in any way injure or scare off the groom?
Finally, be sure you know of a good bridal shop – just in case your wildly imaginative tres chic somehow morphs into tragique.
